We’re Out of Vanilla

If you worked in an ice cream store in the mid-’80s you almost certainly saw this B. Kliban cartoon, probably pinned to the staff bulletin board or taped to a wall in the back room. When it was first published (Playboy, February 1983) it was a solid absurdist laugh – after all, who would make, let alone eat, those flavors?

That was then. Now, when I can walk a few blocks and order a cup of salty whisky ice cream, those flavors seem less weird and more in the hipster sweet spot. I’m no hipster – I can’t cultivate the proper Civil War era beard – but I have unintentionally made each of those flavors. Witness me:

Wood

Cedarwood vanilla ice cream, served as part of a dessert along with cheese and Eccles cakes. Does it contain actual wood? No, ice cream is no place for dietary fiber.

Liver

Foie gras ice cream, made from lovely fatty duck liver. Served with strawberry, balsamic, ginger snap crumble, and black pepper.

Corn

This photo is a bit of a stretch. The ice cream pictured here is french toast, which includes toasted brioche, but the panna cotta is made from Cap’n Crunch cereal milk. Since the time of this photo, however, I have modified my french toast ice cream recipe, which now begins with cereal milk made from French Toast Crunch (available again, thanks to boomer nostalgia).

It’s still unlikely that you’ll find similar ice creams in your local scoop shop, but here at Chez Belm, we’re likely to say “We’re out of vanilla. Would you like some wood or liver?”