I still haven’t heard anything from Boston Casting as of this posting at 4 pm on Friday. I’ll probably try one more follow-up call on Monday and then assume the worst.
Someone must have thought I’d need cheering up today because I received a package from the folks at JD’s, makers of Bacon Salt. The box contained three “limited edition” flavors: Maple, Applewood, and Cheddar (which I’m told turns popcorn into pure crack).
The big jar next to the salt is Baconnaise (regular, there is also a “light” version – as if):
And lastly, tucked into a corner, bacon lip balm:
I usually make She Who Must Be Obeyed wipe off any lip balm before I kiss her (I get laboratory gasket-sealing flashbacks), but the bacon flavor may just seal (heh) the deal.
This cheery message was printed on the front of the box:
You must have been really, really good this year.
So what’s your secret? Did you cure a previously incurable disease? Save a litter of kittens from a burning building? Abolish the designated hitter rule? Whatever it is, we stand in awe of your greatness. Clearly the person who gave you this limited edition Bacon Lover’s gift set does, too. You now have the ability to make anything taste like bacon. Eggs? Bacon Eggs. French fries? Bacon Fries. Sandwich? Bacon Sammich. If you don’t happen to be eating any food, but still want to enjoy it, generously apply your J&D’s Bacon Lip Balm and make yourself taste like bacon. That’s a lot of power for one person. But, as god as you were this year, we trust you to use it wisely. Pig out, friend.